I’m taking a risk…
Posted 1 year, 3 months ago at 5:09 pm. 3 comments
After reading Chris Brogan’s post today, “Confidence and the Next Move,” I thought I’d write about how I’m putting myself out there in the next month. I’m working on brand new arias and will be presenting them in two venues within the next month. Since coming back from Italy last summer, I’ve tried to figure out if I’m happy not pursuing a vocal career or if I really NEED to do it. I do. I don’t want to be gone 9 months out of the year, but I DO want to be the person who is known as extremely good and who will do her best.
I’m going to New York on May 20th. My teacher really wanted me to do the Giulio Gari Foundation competition, because he was her teacher. I will make it 3 weeks under the age deadline. I didn’t think I’d be able to afford to go, but I’ve been able to reschedule my students (it’s graduation week anyway), have family help take care of my daughters and my sister bought my ticket. I’d asked if she had any frequent flyer miles with which to purchase me a ticket, but she ended up paying for one for me. THANK YOU! I’m presenting 2 brand new arias – “Augusta’s Aria” from Ballad of Baby Doe and “Solo un pianto” from Medea. Then, I have 2 older arias “Smanie implacabili” and “Nobles seigneurs, salut!.”
I haven’t had my “six” arias under my belt since 2000. After my second “audition tour” I got no offers and my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So, I decided that I’d settle for teaching. I had my first daughter and flew back to Indiana to be with Mom 7 times within the first year of her life (she earned 2 frequent flyer tickets!). I was still taking lessons and performing – the month Mom died was one month after the end of my second stint with the Arizona Opera Outreach (school tour – now incorporated into their Young Artists program) doing Mother and Witch in Hansel and Gretel.
The following summer I went to Opera in the Ozarks to perform Foreign Singer/Lady with a Hat Box in Postcard from Morocco. I was really disappointed at the end of the summer when Vern Sutton told me I had good stage presence and I had been a strong asset to the program but that I was too old and really just needed to stop trying. Again, I decided to settle for teaching. This is a common theme of my vocal career – I LOVE teaching and it feeds me, but I am always wanting to improve on my voice and reach higher goals in my personal vocal development. So, I keep going out there and pursuing a performance career.
After Arkansas, I settled for teaching for a while – and I had my second daughter. I am SO happy to be a mom, but I NEED to be performing and I am constantly striving to improve my vocal and performance abilities. Of course, my family is happier when I’m home, but we’ve figured out ways to communicate. Last summer I got a Blackberry so that I would be able to communicate even when in Italy. I LOVED working 12 hour days and focusing solely on my performing. Now that I know how to use my phone as a modem, I’ll be able to take my computer with me and Skype back to my family. That will definitely be a plus even in places where there is little to now internet coverage.
So, I’m going to New York in 3 ½ weeks. One week later my dad is coming to stay with the girls (since it’s the last few days of school and my husband the Assistant Principal can’t take any time off of work) while I go to the Classical Singer Convention in Chicago, where I will hopefully sing on some master classes and will also participate in the Audition Feedback Experience. I went last year in Brooklyn and had the chance to speak with Sherrill Milnes both one-on-one and to sing for him in a master class. I will present my “audition package” and get feedback from those who are in hiring positions. Again, I haven’t had my “six” under my belt for a long time, so I’m practicing hard to get those up and running. Finding a German aria for lyric mezzo-soprano that I am willing to present for auditioners with an unknown pianist is VERY hard. I’ve presented “Wie du warst” from Rosenkavalier before, but it is insanely difficult and really needs to be rehearsed. So, I’m going with “Chacun à son goût” from Die Fledermaus. I’m also going to add to my others “Voi lo sapete, mamma” from Cavalleria Rusticana. I’ve been told this is a dangerous one because people have such strong opinions about it, but I LOVE it and feel that I sing it very well. The controversy is the reason that I don’t have it on the top of my list.
I’m scared, but feel that I will be well-prepared. Is this my last time trying to get a performing career going? I don’t think so. I think, actually, that at this point I have something very valuable to offer to the market – I am stage-ready, a great musician and a fabulous colleague. The fact that I haven’t had huge contracts means that I’ll be reasonable priced. I think where and who I am makes me perfectly poised to jump-start things.
What do you think? Where are you in YOUR career goals? Do you love teaching as much as I do? Do you love performing so much that you keep coming back to it? I just can’t leave the performing alone, so I think I MUST pursue it. I’ll let you know how it goes!!
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Rachel, Thanks so much for posting your story. I think you would be surprised to learn how many of us are on parallel journeys. Intertwining the threads of teaching, performing and family life are alternately challenging, frustrating and rewarding. I have often thought it would be a great thing to create an online community or mastermind group for professionals who are traveling this path in order to exchange resources, ideas or encouraging words.
At my university I teach a career development course where I require students to interview professional practitioners of their chosen discipline and we are learning that these days performance careers do not look the same as they did a short while ago. We are all exploring diverse outlets and creating entrepreneurial ventures that work for us individually. The other thing I notice is that “received wisdom” is less valid than ever before. Persistence and creative energy seem to be the virtues rewarded most richly, so don’t get too hung up on the “age thing.” Due to the age limitations, pianists are forced to forgo the competition circuit long before we are really old enough to understand what we are trying to do.
Anyway, your story is inspiring to me and I would love to follow your progress as you pursue these projects. Wishing you all the best!
Paul
Rachel and Paul,
Thank you for posting your thoughts and experiences. The daily challenge to juggle all the many balls: performing, teaching & family, while keeping a balanced and healthy pace of life is familiar to me as well. I feel I’m at a place in my performing career where expansion is happening, yet it seems I must keep that in check to a great extent in order to focus on being available to my kids. They’re both teenagers now, and I feel I really need to be present for them. Being away for a week or two at a time was considerably easier when they were younger. So, until they go out on their own, I try to find ways to develop the performing career that allow me to stay fairly close to home…like the CD recordings, for example.
It’s so great that the NY opportunity has fallen into place for you; no doubt the right timing is right and you’ll gain a lot from the experience.
Sandra
Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for posting.